A stage of our own 4: Sensus & Affectus

It had begun…one of or the most difficult conversations the gals ever had, one that would change their lives forever. Kashiwagi was it a state of catatonic immobility for a moment after Maeda’s puzzling confession. Unlike before they aren’t strangers, but 2 really close friends, so Kashiwagi felt the need to come in aid of her friend, to whose feelings she was unaware. On the other hand, Maeda didn’t want to alienate Kashiwagi from her, after presenting her feelings for her. But she couldn’t keep them a secret any longer, if she didn’t express them to her, she thought she would explode. Also Maeda was aware that if she didn’t make the first move, Kashiwagi, wouldn’t notice the way Maeda felt towards her. Moments after her shock, Kashiwagi’s conscience returned to her body, releasing her from her catatonic immobility, and attempted to return to the conversion.

Kashiwagi: *cough*, so is she someone I know??

Maeda was struggling with this question, but she had to reply honestly, if not the whole point of the date would have been lost, and they would stay friends for ever, that was her line of thinking.

Maeda: ….Yes, you kind of know her………

Kashiwagi: is she in AKB??

Maeda:…..yes……

Kashiwagi: hmmm, well then have told her, that you like her?

Maeda:…… not yet…..

Kahiwagi: you should tell her, if not she probably won’t find out!!

Maeda: ….that’s what I’m trying to do….

Kashiwagi: what did you say, Acchan?

Kashiwagi was puzzled by Maeda’s last comment, and returned to her catatonic immobility, but felt a form of relief from that remark. Thinking it was now or never Maeda gathered all her courage, grabbed Kashiwagi’s hand, took a deep breath, face Kashiwagi while blushing and finally said it:

Maeda: Yukiriso, what I’m saying is that…

Kashiwagi: ……

Maeda: I’m saying that…I…I…LOVE YOU, YUKIRISO!!!!

Kashiwagi: eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?

Maeda, finally said, those words, she kept secret form long ago, and felt relieved, but now the ball was on Kashiwagi’s side of the pitch. Still in catatonic immobility, she felt like a bomb had been dropped onto her. Despite her lethargic state, she was well aware of what had happened, but still couldn’t believe it herself. The moon was already dominating the sky and the city lights lit up the horizon, Kashiwagi felt like running to the subway and return home immediately, but she couldn’t leave like that.

Maeda: I, said it already, that’s what I wanted to say…

Kashiwagi: ……you….love me?....I really don’t know what to say Acchan

Maeda: You have the right to get mad at me, for I’m a sick person, but I can’t stop these feelings I have for you…..

Kashiwagi, I’m not mad, Acchan, it’s just that I don’t know how to answer to you right now. I never expected this…

Maeda: I know, neither did I, but whatever you reply to me, please let’s still be friends!

Kashiwagi: at least that I can promise, then I think we should part ways for today, we have rehearsals for Wednesday’s concert!

Maeda: Sure, then I’ll see you tomorrow?

Kashiwagi: Yeah, I hope to be able to answer your feelings by tomorrow! See you then…

Maeda: Bye!

Both gals parted ways, and returned to their homes, with their fare share of unanswered questions, and their bit of answers. Just as Kashiwagi was on the train, she received a mail on her phone, it was from, the other person that was special for her. Maeda arrived quickly at home and bathe, feeling relived that she finally expressed her true sentiments for Kashiwagi, but still anxious about what her answer to those it would be. She ate her dinner and went to bed early, she wanted to arrive early to the practice, to not be surprised by Kashiwagi, as she turned off the lights and closed her eyes, she thought about her.

When Kashiwagi arrived home, she called, Saeki Mika, an old friend, whom she trusted blindly. She was the mysterious person, Kashiwagi told Maeda about, before Saeki’s injury and graduation, it was an open secret, that those two were really close. Even after her graduation, both gals keep close contact, and serve as confidants of each other.  Kashiwagi told Saeki about the card-the other person knowing about it was Love-tan-and also asked for advice. Saeki, mailed Kashiwagi to see how it went. Just as Kashiwagi arrived home, she went to her room and phoned Saeki, who was waiting to hear the details of Kashiwagi’s long day.

Saeki: Hello, Mika speaking

Kashiwagi: Mikachii, it’s me Yukirin!!!

Saeki: Yukirin, how did it go? Are you at ease now?... Tell me…

Kashiwagi: It was ok, but actually I came back with more questions than answers..

Saeki: So what did Maeda wanted to talk about, is she ok?

Kashiwagi: ………she’s ok, but I really don’t know how to say this…

Saeki: Say what?.....If you tell me then I might be able to help Yukirin…..

Kashiwagi: You’re right Mikachii…..

Saeki: So…..

Kashiwagi: Well  Acchan said she……well….

Saeki: Stop prolonging, just day it already!!
Kashiwagi: She said she loves me!!!

Saeki was also struck by Maeda’s confession, and understood Kashiwagi’s predicament as she had also been in her position before.

Saeki: So what did you answer?

Kashiwagi: Nothing, I just don’t know how to answer, Mikachii….

Saeki: Wasn’t it the same between us?

Kashiwagi: Yes, but you answered my feelings promptly and honestly, but I don’t think I can do that, with Acchan….

Saeki: Yukirin, just think about how you feel when you’re with her, then decide based on that…….or am I holding you back?

Kashiwagi: No, Mikachii, no way, you never hold me back!!!!

Saeki: Then, what you want to do?

Kashiwagi: I’m not sure….

Saeki: Think about it and when you find your answer call me back!!! Have a nice rest!

Kashiwagi: Bye Mikachii!!

Even thought they didn’t see each other very often, they’re still connected, so Saeki’s advice really touched deep into Kashiwagi’s conscience. She turned off the lights on her room and went to sleep, hoping that by dawn she would’ve reached her answer.

The next morning Kashiwagi, woke and headed to the shower, fixed her bag and make-up, dressed with her favorite grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt, she ate breakfast, left home to attend practice. Maeda had arrived before any other members, the only people she knew on site were AKB theater staffers, waiting for the idols to arrive. Minutes later, Takahashi Minami arrived, when she saw Maeda, both greeted each other. Takahashi told Maeda that she saw her at the store in front of the Shiomode station. Feeling compelled to tell her friend what happened that day, Maeda said to Takahashi “I need to talk to you in private!” and then took Takahashi with her into a more secluded place for them to talk.

Takahashi: What is it Acchan, you seem a little anxious today!?

Maeda: Yesterday when you saw at the store I was buying a gift for someone….

Takahashi: Really……..who??

Maeda: I….I…asked Yukirin to meet me at Odaiba, for the day, I wanted…to discuss something with her.

Takahashi: So the gift was for Yukirin?

Maeda: Yes....

Takahashi: How did it g?....

Maeda: It….was…ok

Takahashi: Just ok? There is something you want to tell me that is not coming out, Acchan?

Maeda: Well….Yes…I…

Takahashi: You, what?

Maeda: I confessed to Yukirin, I told her that I love her….

Takahashi: YOU WHAT!???

Maeda: Yes….I told Yukirin that I love her!

This time Takahashi fell victim to catatonic immobility because of shock! She never thought that Maeda liked gals. She quickly regained her self-control, and turned her eyes to meet Maeda’s. While filled with mixed emotions, the joy her friend found someone, and the thought that person separating them. She took a deep breath to gather herself together. She look Maeda into her eyes and with a smile she continue the conversation.

Takahashi: Well....I…what did she say?

Maeda: She did know what to say, so we parted ways…I’m so anxious, what should I do Minami-chan?

Takahashi: Why are you asking me something like that!?....Well I think you should talk to Yukirin, and wait for her to respond, don’t pressure her.

Maeda: Are you mad at me?

Takahashi: Why would I be mad at you Acchan?

Maeda: Because, I…like a girl and....

Takahashi: Don’t be silly, you have the right to love anyone who feel that way whole heartedly. I mean, nothing is going to change between, we’re always going to be best friends, I matters to me, more that you’re happy. We’re friends forever and best friends, right? So if there is anything I can do for, you know you just have to ask. I’m sure everything is going to work between you and Yukirin!

Maeda: Yes, it’s true, best friends forever!

Takahashi and Maeda returned to the entrance, when they reached the hall almost everyone had arrived, except Kashiwagi. The staff decided to let the members present to go the changing room. Inside the changing room, Love-tan approached Maeda and asked “Did you talk with Yukirin about what you wanted?” a nervous Maeda replied “Yes, we did!” to which Love-tan responded with a sigh of relief. Watanabe was starring at the window, impatiently waiting for Kashiwagi to arrive, just like a little girl waits for her elder siblings to arrive. All of sudden a brown cab stop in front of the stadium, the back door to the right opened, as soon as the door opened an AKB staffer and a cameraman approached the cab to escort its passenger. A young lady with a long black straight hair, thin body, light make-up and exercise wardrobe emerged from the vehicle, she greeted the staff and accompanied by them she approached the main door.

Watanabe ran to see who this person might be, when she open the door she saw it was Kashiwagi. Her immediate reaction was to run fast and launch herself onto the arriving Kashiwagi, but unlike their usual greetings, their eyes didn’t meet. Different from before, Kashiwagi wasn’t looking at Watanabe but at someone else. It took just one second for the euphoric Watanabe to transform into a jealous ranting kid, as if she had some another person with a toy and her mother didn’t buy it to her. Watanabe release Kashiwagi and stood in between Kashiwagi and the dressing room, her eyes reflected all her displeasure and anger.

Watanabe: What’s wrong with you today, Yukirin? Why are you avoiding me?

Kashiwagi: I’m not avoiding you Mayu!

Watanabe: Then what’s wrong with you? Yu-ki-rin!?!

Kashiwagi: Aren’t you a bit old for this? I’m absolutely fine!

Watanabe felt devastated by Kashiwagi’s harsh response to her questioning. This was the first time, since they met that Kashiwagi responded so violently to Watanabe’s rants and demands for attention. Maeda totally oblivious of the situation, held with a strong grip Takahashi’s hand, while trying to relax, when Watanabe ruptured through the door like if she was escaping from the gates of the underworld. Everybody knew something had happened between Kashiwagi and Watanabe, which displeased strongly to the later. Moments later a cool and collected, following the image of an aristocrat that the group had of her, Kashiwagi entered to the dressing room, as if nothing had happened in the stadium entrance. Her eyes were immediately looking for Maeda, when she found her, she immediately smiled then rushed to her, Maeda noticed instantaneously that Kashiwagi was wearing the pendant she gave her during their “date”.